• TRANSFORMATION • INSPIRATION • REFLECTION •
Getting used to this writing thing is taking some time. My intention when starting an online journal was to write everyday, yet I find myself getting busy or finding excuses not to write. In fact, with that in mind I have begun to see a pattern in my life. Starting something, getting busy or distracted, and then just moving on from the commitments I have made to myself (and maybe even others).
I enter this week with a lot on my mind. The declarations I have made for the year are causing me to take a look at myself intimately and intentionally. My failures and my successes, along with my thought processes. I am left with a couple of questions: Who am I and what have I done to get where I dream of going? What am I will to do to get where I dream about going?
So, I am a 45 year old woman who has spent much of my life trying to get somewhere and be someone. I remember six years ago being excited about putting my 30's behind me. On my birthday January 7, 2011 I actually had the theme "practicing to be 40" when I turned 39. I made declarations of what was going to take place in my life before I turned 40. I declared:
1. I was going to start the nonprofit I had dreamed about since my 20's
2. I was going to get physically fit
3. I was going to get married before the year was over
I knew what I wanted and I set out in 2011 to see my declarations come true!
Being transparent, the journal, has been a thought for about 6 months. I have written numerous articles in my head as I woke up, driving down the road, or just eating dinner. The thought of being transparent publicly scares me. When I think about it my heart begins to palpitate and my mouth grows dry. Needless to say I experience anxiety attacks at the thought of being transparent.
The past year and a half I have been going thorough some sort of midlife crisis. I used to be able to be transparent with no problem. Now all of a sudden all of the things I have tried and failed at keep me frozen to not want to try again. But I knew I love to write and writing in a journal has always been a great source of comfort so...I finally agreed with my internal voice to do an online journal. I call it Being Transparent because it is open to the entire world to see. They will be able to see my thoughts, my hurts, my joys, my pain. Anything I choose to write about. I will be vulnerable to criticism as well as encouragement; although it's the criticism I tend to remember. 😐
There are still some updates I am working on in setting up my website, but I did not want to delay in inviting you into join me on my journey of learning to be like Christ! Thanks in advance for your prayers for me and of the lives this journal will touch.
TKronz, Vivaciously Designed