The last time I posted anything was just days before my brother died very unexpectedly and tragically. I have not written anything since. Today I will do my best to write something worth reading.
I used to dream about this blog site going viral and all of a sudden I was helping thousands of people. Then, I thought about it. I spent the past months thinking of writing. Wanting to write. Yet everything just sounded so stupid. The question kept going 'round and 'round in my head,
"How can you help anyone when you couldn't even help your brother?"
So I just keep remembering the last times...
The last conversation was loving. The last laugh was joyous and full of life. The last voicemail where he said, "I love you, sis." The last cup of coffee and he brought the cream. The last dinner together at mom's house. The last poker game at mine. The last invite left unspoken The last Super Bowl fight. The last family dinner at Maggiano's The last spoken dream's about life
I love my brother, Randal Brien Moore. I wish i could have reached him and had just a few more years to spend showing him my love.
Would it have made difference?
If he had been given just 'another five minutes of my time', would I have done or said anything different?
My selfishness holds me back from even seeing if answers to those questions.
He chose his last time in this world...he went to a better place. A place where tears and pain no longer exist for him. A place where he is truly capable of understanding the Love and Forgiveness!
This year I want to honor my brother and am still thinking about what that means. I know he watches over me and smiles as he pats me on my back and says, "Just keep going. Do what I was never capable of doing!"
I have sat long enough and thought of the last times...time for some 1st times! Time to welcome 2014!